Let me start by saying, I love smoking cigarettes. I loved smoking when I first started it ten years ago and I love smoking now. If you ask any single one of my friends or family members about me, they’ll tell you I smoke too much.
Each time I say it’s time, just stop buying them I’m met with the compulsion to go buy a pack of cigarettes at my earliest convenience. I find myself mentally bargaining with I’ll just smoke one. It becomes I only want one, I’ll give the rest away. Then one becomes two, becomes, three, becomes twenty in less than 24 hours.
I knew it was time to quit in one specific instance. Its embarrassing to admit; it’s disgusting to think about: it’s ashtray mining. You’ve all seen that one dude casually snatching a half smoked cigarette out of the ashtray outside your favorite establishment. You wonder how it got to that point, and as a smoker, you tell yourself you’ll never get to that point.
Well, it’s been ten years, and I can now say I’ve popped my miner’s cherry, so to speak. It was my own personal ash tray, it was my own half smoked cigarette, it was my own crumbling self respect that lead me to pull about a third of a squashed old smoke out of the pile of butts drunk with stench and put it to my lips to attempt to enjoy something.
I sat there thinking about it before I lit the old butt. There was nothing familiar or comforting about the smell of old, stale, smoke. There was no sweet raisin-esque smell greeting me. I ignited my lighter, I inhaled, I changed the way I see myself forever.
Today is February 1, 2107. I want this to be the last day I smoke a cigarette. I will miss smoking, but I can’t live with the shame and self judgement I’ve imposed on myself.
EDIT: Today is February 7, 2017. I have gone four whole days without smoking a cigarette. I fell ill with the stomach flu the day after I wrote this post. I didn’t have the energy to get out of bed, much less to go outside and smoke a cigarette. Not to mention that I had vomit and liquid poops spewing from both orifices at nearly all times.
Luckily for me, those few days of being violently, disgustingly sick was enough time for me to have weaned myself off through the first ‘three days of cravings’ (lol, I had zero cravings). It is now day 4 and I have passing thoughts of “a cigarette would be nice” but they are easily deniable. I dad have one actual craving where I couldn’t get my mind off of them for about 5 minutes, which I shoved to the side by doing dishes. Let me just say, doing dishes invokes a hatred for-all-things-living-and-not in me that nothing else can overpower. This whole quitting smoking thing has been a breeze.
So far I have noticed two distinct things: I can smell again! My city smells awful, my house smells awful, my clothes smell awful, everything smells awful; but good god do cigarettes stink. When I was sick just the lingering traces on my pillowcases made me want to puke. I genuinely wonder how I lived in this perpetual fart cloud for 10 years without noticing.
Also, I can breathe through both nostrils at any given time. To you non smokers, that may sound totally silly. But when you can’t do it for a while- realizing that you can is a big deal.
I’m extremely excited to continue this journey and see all the changes this brings to my body and my attitude as time goes on. I may even pick up some sort of fitness regimen. (probably not, lol again)
What do you think about smoking? How did you quit? Be sure to leave a comment below if you have any tips, tricks, or random related sentiments to share with me.
P.S. Funny stories are ALWAYS welcome.