Anxiety: when thinking about the problem makes it worse.

I haven’t really ever had a problem with anxiety. At least, never enough that I felt the need to “go talk to someone” as literally anyone would always suggest. But these nicotine withdrawals are making me a snotty, shaky, wet and salty mess at the slightest change of pace.

I don’t constantly feel the urge to smoke; in fact I don’t feel the urge to smoke at all. The idea passes through my thoughts like a dream may slide through a dream catcher. Many times a day, but never staying for very long.

The thing that won’t pass is this feeling of unease.

It’s like making a thick winter coat out of your bad feelings: discomfort, regret, sorrow, anguish, what-have-you, then¬†putting it on, only to discover that you can’t seem to get it off because it’s too tight and you’re tired of struggling.

The feeling that each slight inconvenience is another grain in the anthill, another massive stone to be carried on my back all the way up the mountain.

The ironic part is that the best metaphor I can apply is: The world is a balloon of poison gas, gas that makes the world spin a little faster and a little more haphazardly; while cigarettes are my gas mask, slowing things down and allowing me to think and breathe.

Maybe I’m just overthinking it; like everything else nowadays.

Help…?

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Anxiety: when thinking about the problem makes it worse.

  1. closetfascination says:

    It gets better. I’m not going to lie to you, it took me the better part of 6 weeks to really get over the feeling of unease as you put it or anxiety. You feel raw, like any sad thing can result in you crying. Unfortunately, I think this is what some of us go through when we quit.

    I didn’t think I was an anxious person either, but post smoking when I really thought about it, some of my triggers were anxiety. I thought it was nicotine withdrawal. Turns out anxiety and nicotine withdrawal feel identical. Bad news: right now your brain thinks cigarettes are how you make that feeling go away and it will work. But if you want to remain quit, you need to find another way to deal with anxious feelings, deep breathing, meditation something or relapse becomes I greater possibility.

    All the best… You can do this. I posted almost every day of my quit, if you are interested.

    1. moodytuna says:

      Knowing that smoking could make it stop, I still don’t want to smoke. I’ve always heard that quitting smoking was difficult, especially cold turkey. But it’s been a week at this point, I’m too far gone to cave, haha.
      So far no one that I have talked to about this has had anything similar happen. I definitely appreciate you sharing your experience with me.

      1. closetfascination says:

        Everyone is different, but that was my experience. I felt the same way after one day, the day was brutal, I had planned on cutting back first but ended up going cold turkey instead and by the end of the day, I figured if I suffered all day, I would be negating the pain I went through by using, so I kept going. I haven’t been without some slight lapses, but increasingly I want to remain smoke-free forever now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s